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Sunday, October 10, 2010

You Are Not What You Eat!!

    I'm sure that all of you at one time or another have heard someone say "you are what you eat".  The truth is that it is just another one of those stupid expressions that is up there with "we have to do more with less" or "diversity is our strength".  Expressions like those when spoken in a group setting seem to instantly turn otherwise intelligent people into a bunch of zombies who all nod in agreement without thinking about what the phrase actually means.  I mean has anyone out there actually known someone who has literally turned into a carrot or a zuchinni?  I haven't.

    Now there are plenty of men and women out there who have pear shaped figures.  And I have known plenty of people who are described as string beans, bean poles, and fat pigs.  The thing is though that I don't think that anyone has acquired a pear shaped figure from eating a lot of pears and I don't know anyone who eats a lot of string beans or beans or even fat pigs for that matter.  And I don't think that anyone who has fallen into a vegetative state ended up there because they ate a lot of vegetables.  Actually, I might go into the hour glass business if some how it is determined that some women have hour glass shapes because they eat a lot of hour glasses.

    The reason I bring this up is because the city of San Francisco (surprise, surprise) is now trying to pass a local law that would prevent McDonalds from having a toy in your 6 or 7 years old's Happy Meal unless the meal contains fruits and vegetables. So in other words, if you want to buy your kid a hamburger and french fries you will be required by law to purchase an apple or a celery stalk as well.  America, land of the free, actually is trying to pursue this.

    So I've been thinking about where this could possibly lead.  Maybe and from now on if you go to a Dunkin Donuts to buy a dozen donuts it should be a law that one of the 12 should be stuffed with organically grown lettuce and one should be laced with asparagus.  If you purchase a car you should be required to purchase a stationarey bicycle or an eliptical machine with it and sign a declaration promising to use either one at least 30 minutes a day.  I'm not even sure what they might require if you buy a 5th of vodka or a bottle of wine.  Potato Chips?  At least a pair of running shoes.

    It's not surprising to me that the idea for this kind of legislation has originated in San Francisco.  I'm not sure about the vegetables but we all know that there are plenty of fruits out there.  By that I mean that San Francisco is very close to fruit growing agricultural land.  At least there are plenty of grapes available in the Napa and Sonoma Valleys.  What else could I mean?

    Imagine, California.  The state that has already legalized "medicinal" marijuana which from what I've been told means that if you find the right doctor you can get a prescription just by complaining that your shoes hurt your feet.  And shortly the state will likely approve a vote on their ballot to legalize marijuana for personal use anyway.  Talk about Happy Meals.  Does anyone really thing that after partaking in pot smoking people will be running down to the local market to purchase fresh brussel sprouts?  It's not going to happen.  They might as well name Cheese Doodles as the new state vegetable.

    Here's another thing that bothers me about this piece of legislation.  While the mentality of people who really think that it is a good idea to force people to include an apple with their french fries, I'd be willing to bet that those same people would wave the requirement for your 6 year old if McDonalds gave them a condom instead of an apple.  You think?

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