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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

    So today the federal government, in the name of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, cancelled the trademark of the Washington Redskins claiming that it was "disparaging" to native Americans.  Now while I don't think that anyone who has ever watched a Redskins football game has ever thought about covered wagons lined up in a circle while indians were being shot.  If we're going to take political correctness to this extreme, then I have a few other suggestions.

    We should ban Cracker Barrel for starters.  What's this about?  Shooting a bunch of white people in a barrel?  And what about Cracker Jacks?  This is obviously a reference to white people dressed up in Nazi style "jack" boots.  I am very offended by these brand names.

    Next we have a candy product that's been around forever called Dots.  Is this some kind of slur against women from the country of India?

    And what about Dick's sport shops?  We should change it to Genitalia Sports Shops.

    Another candy called Mounds.  An obvious reference to the female anatomy.  Should be banned.

    Midget football.  Are you fucking kidding me?  How does anyone get away with that.

    Black sheep of the family, the pot calling the kettle black.  This should all be changed.  Sheep of color, dogs of color, kettles of color......that would be far more appropriate.  By the way, as I write this, I am wearing a sleeveless shirt of color.

    While we're at it, we need to change the names of Indiana and Indianapolis.  I wonder how that would go over in an otherwise red state.  But hey, I doubt that either name was derived from some girl named Diana.

    Many times when I was doing yard work during the summer I ended up with a wet back.  I guess now I'll have to change that to a pore secreting back.

    And last, senior citizen?  Since I am apparently one of them I can confidently say, fuck you!!  Last time I was a senior citizen was at the age of 17 when I was in high school.  Now I'm just a little older.

    I say bring back Sambo's.  If we have to make a choice, call it Sambo's instead of insulting all those freckled faced Irish people named Denny.

Friday, June 13, 2014

    I know, I know, I know.  It has been a long time but I've been busy with other things.  Nevertheless, to understand my story today there are a few things you need to know up front.

    First, my wife and I really don't take that many medications.  Maybe a blood pressure pill once a day and a baby aspirin.  That's about it.  But, we do have certain medications that we take once in awhile for reasons I'll explain in a moment.

    For instance, once in awhile I get a little unsettled and a low dose Xanax helps.  Honestly, I maybe take 10 or 12 a year.  I joke with my doctor when I go in and say that I need my annual Xanax prescription.

    Next, you need to understand that we are planning to go to Costa Rica for my older son's wedding and we want to make sure we have all the meds. we'll need being out of the country and all.  So just to make sure we're prepared in case we pick up some bug floating around in what surely will be a germ infested airplane, we wanted to bring an antibiotic.

    The last thing you need to know is that I am 60 years old.

    So when I went to my doctor for a routine physical I made sure to ask him for all of the prescriptions we would need.

    Today I went to the pharmacy to drop off all my prescriptions and not wanting to overwhelm them I just brought three.  All were written on the same day.  One was for Xanax.  One was for Viagra, and one was for an antibiotic.  I didn't think much of it at the time but driving away I wondered what the people in the pharmacy thought about this.  They must have thought that I wanted to get really mellowed out and have a bunch of sex but that I must have some sort of infectious disease.

    I wonder if they'll remember the Viagra prescription when a few days from now I bring in the one for an anti-inflammatory.